The Sexist Network

Apparently, the Facebook movie is sexist.  And leave it to my favorite feminist, Stephen Colbert, to bring it up.  Women and Hollywood posted the transcript from The Colbert Report, which has everyone wondering if writer Aaron Sorkin (or Mark Zuckerberg, for that matter) is a real-life misogynist.  After mentioning the opening scene with Zuckerberg's past girlfriend, Colbert asked Sorkin-- "Why are there no other women of any substance in the movie?"

The Daily Beast wondered the same thing, and comments carefully, making two very strong points.  First, while nerds are often portrayed as lovable underdogs, there is certainly a sexist element to nerd culture.  But we never think of the Geek Squad as a traditional boys club because it isn't somewhere women necessarily want to be.  The second point then, is that women have basically "opted out" of the most powerful positions in today's economy, from Silicon Valley to Wall Street.  Whether you agree or not, it's an interesting consideration.

It seems everyone has written about the sexism in The Social Network.  Seriously-- just google it. 

So I decided to check it out for myself, fully planning to put in my two cents.  And what I found was a really thoughtful and relatable movie about a young boy's journey from Harvard-nobody to becoming a bonafide billionaire.  Just your typical Cinderella-story.  And while he was pulling himself up by his bootstraps, there were plenty of messages about love and the human condition to take away from this cinematic experience.  So many, in fact, that I thought it might be helpful to consolidate them into a list.  Here now, is what I like to call "Lessons about women to be learned from The Social Network, at least, as far as I could tell"--

1) Mark Zuckerberg had a smart and sassy girlfriend.  She dumped him because he belittled her.  He's spent every moment since pining for her and trying to win back her affection.  Even Facebook had a muse.

2) Women want to have sex with rich and successful men.  The will travel, by the busload, to meet even potentially rich and successful men.  And have sex with them.  That's because the only way for a woman to gain wealth or recognition is take it from a man.  With her vagina.

3) Women don't understand technology.  Or computers.  And certainly not coding.  No women were involved in the making of Facebook.  They only had sex with the men involved in the making of Facebook, while majoring in things like French.  Because women can understand foreign languages.  But not coding.

4) Women are afraid of snakes.  Fearful enough to jump out of a running shower.  However, they will willingly have sex with a "snake in the grass," because they are terrible judges of character.

5) While women don't understand technology, they are easily impressed by it.  Women become slutty when they are impressed.  When they are really impressed, they will have sex with men on the first date.  Even in a public restroom.

6) Any woman, no matter how seemingly cool or attractive, will become insane once you enter a relationship with her.  She will break into your apartment, invade your privacy, and even set things on fire.  Bitches are crazy.  Change your relationship status with caution.

7) Underage girls are more fun than full-grown women.  Especially when exposed to illegal substances.  This includes marijuana, cocaine, and even alcohol, because alcohol is also illegal for girls who are underage.

8) Women make excellent secretaries and they will handle your packages with care.

9) Women can also make pretty good lawyers.  And sometimes they even give sound legal advice.  However, in the midst of a career, the most important thing is for them to stay thin and attractive.  They will accomplish this by eating salads for lunch and skipping dinner.

10) All Mark Zuckerberg really wants is for his ex-girlfriend to accept his friend request.

With all the negative press, "Mark Zuckerberg" stopped by SNL to clarify some less than accurate depictions in the greatest movie ever made.  Andy Samberg's portrayal was spot on.  And he left Weekend Update with a pearl of wisdom that might actually be the moral to the Facebook story.  "Why does anyone do anything?"  To meet girls.  Duh.